


Breaking Down Again

by Bremmatron33



Category: Transformers: Prime
Genre: Chronic Illness, Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:48:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29394339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bremmatron33/pseuds/Bremmatron33
Summary: Bumblebee worries that Raf is worse off than he says he is. After the boy's health takes a turn for the worse he turns to the only mech he can think to help.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Snow_Siren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_Siren/gifts).



“I’m okay Bee I promise.”

That had been what Raf had said to him almost a week ago, now he was sneezing and shaking and leaking. Not all at once thank primus but it still didn’t mean anything good.

“I think you should be home dear .” June wisely advised that night, bringing Pedialyte and cough syrup at the boy’s request. Raf could only smile weakly as he took the nurse’s offerings, stashing them beside him

“I would just hide away in my room but my sister just had a new baby...so it’s occupied. She’s staying at the house with them and I don’t want to be any trouble. I told my mom it was just a little cold. I’m used to just getting over things on my own. I’ll be fine Mrs. Darby. I swear. I promise not to get Jack or Miko sick either. No missions, nothing. I...I just want the company.”

June did not hide her look of shock and worry well. “Oh, I wasn’t worried about that. You’re the responsible one. It’s just...are you sure it’s a cold?” Raf could only shrug.

“It doesn’t feel like anything else. I did get drenched on that last mission out in Seattle.” Raf tensed wishing she would just stop asking. As of late he really didn’t like adults taking interest in his problems...or in him at all really.

After what she’d heard from Jack, June was not convinced but she didn’t want to butt in. It wasn’t as if she could take care of him with her schedule. “Well you do have Ratchet here, and I’m only a call away if things get worse. Just- Stay under those blankets. You’re looking so pale, sweetheart. You need to sweat out that fever of yours. Do you have ice packs?” June couldn’t stop herself from looking around as if the Autobots were in fact just storing a hoard of the things.

Raf laughed softly, easily putting on the brave face he always used on his mom to dispel her worry. “If the bots don’t have something the drugstore is only an hour drive.”

Thankfully the nearest hospital was only seconds thanks to the groundbridge.

“Alright.” She conceded after some time. “ I know you’re in good hands at least. Get some rest.”

As soon as she was gone Raf leaned back against the couch with a sigh as Bee’s servo reached up to tousle his hair.

“She seemed real worried, bud, you sure you don’t want me to call Fowler?” Bee felt Raf’s light touch just gloss his metal as he tried to shoo away his teasing servo.

“I feel like I just got out of that hospital. I...I don’t want to go back. My mom will freak out. It’s just a cold. I’ve survived worse...barely but I survived.” Bee winced at the boy’s morbid humor.

“If you say so.” Bee’s plates settled heavy against his protoform as he forced himself to relax. He knew colds and things like that could last pretty long even if they were harmless...but ever since the issue with Megatron Raf just hadn’t been the same. He got sick more often, headaches and nosebleeds once a week if not more, and unless it was June or Ratchet he wanted nothing to do with the hospital, even the local doctors. It didn’t help that thanks to the incident Raf could only go to the military hospital or at best only be treated by military doctors and staff but Raf didn’t want to talk about it. So what else could he do but worry? “You gonna put on that movie?”

Bumblebee just caught Raf’s sigh of relief before he answered. “Of course. Only good thing to do on a sick day.” Discussion over they settled in, Bee into a pack of energon jellies Optimus had managed to cajole Ratchet into synthesizing for him and Raf into his electrolyte drink as he scrolled through his list of films.

They stopped on one, something long that both of them had seen before. Bee loved watching new films with Raf and it had been tempting to pick one of those from the list but...he usually liked to pick Raf’s brain through those, ask about things that he didn't quite get. He didn't want to bother Raf this time, he just wanted to let things calm and hopefully, it would ease Raf enough that he could at least get a nap in. It was a smart move on his part considering they had to pause or save Raf’s laptop several times due to coughing fits.

“Thanks, Bee.” The boy managed to mumble as he wiped his mouth clean of stringy spit and what worryingly looked like blood. Shakily releasing the laptop from between Bumblebee’s digit and the couch and settling it back on his lap he mumbled. “I’m really sorry this must be getting annoying. Maybe I can convince agent Fowler to buy us a nicer couch after this huh?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Bee chirped, trying to ignore his growing fears. “We can go thrifting again with Miko. Remember the last time? We bleached all those clothes for her? That was fun.”

“Yeah! I wish my mom would let me wear stuff like that. She’s worried I’ll get made fun of for it.” Raf settled deeper into his blanket, fiddling with the laptop on the arm of the couch so Bee could still see. “I feel like she just doesn’t want me to grow up you know?”

“I think she’s worried you’re growing up too fast. Helping us...it put you through a lot, bud. It’s hard when you don’t talk to the people that care about you.”

“I have you.” Raf mumbled into his arm, breathing strained and wheezy.

“You have more than just me Raf. Trust me.” Raf curled his blanket tighter, the boy almost disappearing beneath it as Bee ran a digit up and down his back.

“Sometimes I don’t know Bee. Doesn’t really matter.” Bee’s face scrunched, upset now. He wished he knew where Raf was getting these thoughts.

The boy was asleep by the end of the movie but it wasn’t easy. Raf tossed and turned on the shallow couch whimpering and retching after staggered minute long coughing fits. Bee did his best to get him back to sleep after each one subsided but it grew harder and harder to watch his little body shake and tear up as he pleaded to go for a ride. Bee broke all too quickly so under the cover of night he bundled Raf up and the two set off for the calm expanse of the desert.

As soon as they were free from the compound Bumblebee let his engine roar and his tires rip through the rust-colored dirt. Racing as fast as he could. It always delighted Raf, thrilled him like the best carnival ride to feel the pressure on his chest as the world outside whipped by. It was the perfect time to be out. The roads empty, the summer air warm and comforting now that the oppressive rays of the sun had settled to the cool dark of night. The two often liked to spend nights like this when they could get away with it. Weekends, when Raf didn’t need to be at school, and Bee wasn’t so exhausted from missions that even a drive an hour out from base made his spark ache.

That night his spark ached with a different pain, his senses tuned in on Raf’s slow strangled breathing. As he slowed to a stop in the middle of nowhere he popped back his roof so the boy could enjoy the landscape of bright stars above them. Vents turned back for good measure, blasting Raf with gentle heat. “You want the radio on?

“Mhmm.” Raf managed to answer as he started on another cough drop. “It’s really nice out.”

“Yeah, it is. One of my favorite things about earth.” In the thin sliver of his rearview Bee could see Raf’s cheeks glossy with tears. “Raf?”

“I’m okay Bee. It’s just..a lot.”

Something heavy plummeted in Bee’s tank. He hoped Raf couldn’t feel how tight his field was. “What’s a lot?”

Raf struggled to answer, settling with a pained, “I don’t know.” leaving Bee more confused and worried than ever.

“You...don’t know?”

“I don’t know!” Raf could only cry as he slammed his palms against his eyes hard enough to bruise in the vain hopes that it would stop his sobbing. “Nothings working Bee.”

Bee just couldn’t follow. It hurt to not understand when Raf was clearly in more pain than he wanted anyone to know. “What’s not going right?”

“This Bee! I-” Raf choked back his outburst like a trained command, leaving Bee to gently encourage him to continue.

“Raf? Come on, it’s okay. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I just...I don’t know! I felt like shit at home so I thought being with you would help but I still felt like shit so I thought we could go out and it’d be better but nothing’s better Bee! Nothing I try makes anything better! I still just feel like shit and I’m sick and it hurts and...I just don’t want to be here!”

“Okay.” Bee tried. “I can take you back to base. I can take you home. Whatever you want.”  
“No Bee, you don’t get it. I-” Raf heaved a shuddering breath as he fell prone to Bee’s backseat, hiding in his blanket. “I don’t want to be anywhere. I- I’m just tired. I’m tired Bee and I hate myself and I don’t know what to do.” Silence fell between them as Bee thought of what to say, the soft trill of meaningless pop music somehow insulting to what had just happened and yet the only thing keeping reality together. “I think I’m dying, Bee. Ever since Megatron hit me...it just feels like I never really got better. I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want you to worry or think it was your fault but...I’m scared Bee. I-there are things I think of doing some nights...and I don’t know why and I don’t want to do them but...sometimes...I think maybe I just should get it over with. Because it never gets better.”

“What kind of things?” Bumblebee was no stranger to the kind of sickness Raf was ailed with. No in fact he was quite familiar with it and how quickly it had taken friend after friend through the war. To think now that it had gotten Raf was...harrowing. It left Bee blindsided, dumb, and sick.

“You need to talk to Ratchet.” The response came from him without even thinking. Something he’d said to so many mechs that it was like his life just kept looping. “June! I meant June. Do you want me to tell her?”

“She- She’ll tell my mom and she’ll tell my dad. They’re already not happy with me as it is.”

Raf hadn’t told him about that. “W-why? What makes you think that?”

“Because they’re always mad! If it’s not about school and my grades it’s money, or my sister or the house! It just never stops, Bee! I don’t know why, before I could always ignore it and just do what they wanted but...I don’t know...one day I was sitting in class and I just couldn’t be there anymore. So...I called Miko...and I left...I left and when you dropped me off at home...I didn’t even go in. I just...walked around till morning...then went to school even though I didn’t want to.”

“Raf…” Bee’s reply died long before he even thought to speak it. If this had been Sunstreaker or Hound, Moonracer, any bot he’d had similar talks with... this would have been easier. Bee knew what they had been going through, what they had all been going through but for as well as he knew Raf the boy’s problems were still so foreign to him.

“Bee?” Raf whispered into the dark silence of the backseat. “Can you go get me something from the drugstore?” Just like that whatever had just happened was over. Raf wanted it over. Wanted it heard and ignored like his problems usually were.

“‘Course bud. Anything you need.” Disturbing only sand and dust Bumblebee pulled off back down the plateau and headed towards the main road.

Holo avatar on and money in servo Bee staggered into the local corner store confused and stuck in his head. What was he going to do? Raf was in danger and yet as he knew from experience...breaking the boy’s trust could put him in even more danger. It was a curse of existence; one Bee thought he’d be blissfully spared by befriending humans and their often trivial problems but what Raf was dealing with didn’t seem trivial at all anymore.

“N-nightquil?” He mumbled to the girl who’d followed him to the back. Her scrutiny softening quickly.

“You must be having a rough day.”

“Y-yeah.” He managed to laugh despite how he felt as he gave her the money. Normally Bee quite liked to linger in conversation with humans, learn as much as he could of their own story. It was how he liked to spend his long-absent hours before but in that moment he felt more human than ever as he rushed back out and slid into his own backseat with Raf as soon as he was able. Focused and selfish.

Raf was barely awake so it was left to Bee to tear off packaging and figure out the fine motor skills of opening a tiny cap in a form he rarely used. After what felt like ages he was able to shake Raf enough to get him to drink. “Raf. Come on bud, you got this!” Fingers fumbled with tiny plastic caps but Raf managed to slug back the shot with minimal choking and sputtering. Swallowing down a gurgling retch as he fell heavy against Bee’s shoulder. The boy’s heavy sick panting too warm against his sensors.

“Fuck. That stuff’s so gross.”

“It looks gross.” Bumblebee sympathized, easily remembering being forced the nasty slew of homebrew medications Ratchet concocted with any material that had any even remotely positive health benefits.

He felt Raf turn, felt fingernails try to cling to something that just wasn’t there. Hurting for something familiar and real to comfort him. Usually so cautious not to crush the boy Bee let that hesitation go as he pulled Raf into a tight hug. Contact. Ratchet had mentioned it was the base of most deep human interaction. They needed it to live. To heal. Raf’s grip felt so weak as he clung on.

“You guys should really use these more often. I-it’s nice to get to hug you sometimes.”

It was nice. To really be there to comfort Raf when he was down. When he really needed him. “I wish.” Bee quietly agreed. “Ratchet’s always firm to remind us that they’re for emergencies only. Too many issues of recklessness in the past I guess. Doesn’t seem fair really but they take a lot of energy to keep up. That’s why Optimus discourages them. When we had steady fuel he used to love wandering around with the locals wherever we landed.”

Bee let his fingers rake through Raf’s sweaty hair, trying to sync to a heartbeat that was much too fast and too foreign from his own. Holding him like that, Raf’s humanity felt too real. He was small and clammy. Smelling of dirt and oil and blood. He was fragile and ultimately... temporary... as firmly as he tried to deny it. “No more present than the fauna they keep, the flowers around them, the clouds in the sky. It’ll do you best to keep away Bee, trust a mech who’s been there.” Cliffjumper’s warning never rang more true. It haunted him now.

“We should probably get back to base.”

“Just a bit longer,” Raf begged through the fog of sleep already setting in.

“Sure Raf. Anything you need.” Bumblebee would have never guessed he could cry in his avatar.

* * *

As Raf’s illness lingered the other two children mostly kept away. Jack nervous about keeping healthy for his job and Bulkhead worried for Miko enough to meet her at her house personally when the two wanted to cause havoc. So it was surprising to see her with tea and soup, dressed quite seriously in a simple long blue skirt and plain white top. With her hair only done up in a high ponytail and a colorful mask covering her face, she hardly looked like the same girl.

“Quite the look on you Miko I must say. I prefer it. Good and sterile.” Ratchet snarkily remarked as he propped Raf’s gurney up into a sitting position.

She did a proud mocking little twirl. “Thanks, I figured you would. This is the ugly stuff they made me wear when I helped out in the infirmary back at my old school. So feel free to upchuck on it all you want so I’ve got an excuse to burn it, okay Raf?”

“Sure thing Miko.” Raf managed to banter back but he had no energy to put behind it. Even with her mask, it was easy to see her smile drop, worry creeping in. She invited herself up on the gurney and unloaded her bag.

“You have anything good to eat yet?”

Ratchet was quick to butt in. “Just the nutrient bar and fluids I provided. His frame has been rejecting most solid fuel sources. Jack said he and his mother would be stopping by with something though I think my method is best.”

“Like that’s new,” Miko whispered, happy to get even a smile out of Raf. “I’ve got you, dude”

“Be careful not to nudge the IV. He’s been bruising quite easily.” Miko didn’t bother to remind the Bot that she didn’t need to be instructed on everything. Her touch ghosting along the deep green and yellow splotch along Raf’s neck.

“Yeah, I can see. Sick. What sick fight did I miss you having?” Raf quickly tried to cover it, embarrassed to tell her where it had really come from.

“Oh, you know, just the arm of the couch.” He watched Miko’s eyebrows knit together in concern. “It’s not as bad as it looks.” Even she didn’t look like she was buying it.

“Let me get you an ice pack.” Back to digging in her bag, she set a warm thermos and a few massive looking apples between them before triumphantly pulling out her cold packs. “These things are my favorite.” Gleefully she offered Raf one end of the ice pack. “All you need to do is squeeze all the chemical goo around.” Miming Miko’s squishing the soft bag quickly grew almost too cold for him to handle. The tips of his fingers ached, the feeling almost like a burn. Even though it hurt Raf found he didn’t want to let go. The pain better than the numb fog he’d been living in the past weeks. Too weak to stop her, Miko tugged the pack free and settled it over his shoulders, skewing it to the bruised side of his neck. The cold burned there too but it was a comfortable burn that soaked into his skin, leveling out to a dull chilly throb. “When’s Bee getting back?”

“I wish I knew,” Raf whispered so Ratchet wouldn’t hear. The old mech always getting irritated and going on about how irresponsible Bee had been with his duties when he brought the question up. Miko nodded with a wink.

“Hey Ratch, Bulkhead around? He really didn’t me hanging here, something about already missing too much school. Would be nice to know if I need to make a quick escape.”

“You’re fine.” The mech answered idly, preoccupied with whatever project he was working on. “He’s with Bumblebee and Smokescreen scouting out an energon mine. Standard procedure; the Cons abandoned it ages ago but they always like squabbling over nothing.”

“Well if they’re not here to entertain us I guess we can do what my gran always made me do when I was sick.” Out of her deflated bag, Miko pulled a glittery box of puzzle pieces, the picture on the front of some beautiful watery landscape with a pagoda in the back. “You got something we can do this on Ratch?” Ratchet turned to eye the puzzle box, scrutinizing all the color and glitter but seeming to approve as he cracked a smile.

“Actual nutritional sustenance? A novel cognitive exercise? I must say Miko you actually seem to know what you’re doing! I’ll see what I can find.” Ratchet came back with an old folding tray and set it over Raf’s legs so Miko could pour him soup and pile up the pieces of their puzzle for them to start. Raf picked over the steamed vegetables and rice in the pretty bento she’d brought him, nibbling on whatever his pallet found agreeable that moment. Scarfing down sweet glazed chicken and miso soup like he hadn’t eaten in months. He knew he’d probably regret it in a few hours, Ratchet hadn’t been lying about not being able to keep things down but it was warm and filling and the fact that Miko had made it for him made it all the better.

He was watching her carefully carve the skin off of one of the pink sweet apples when the sound of the ground bridge droned over the soft music Ratchet had let them put on. Almost too mesmerized by the confident skill of her fingers to care that it meant Bee was back. He wished his mom let him cook with her, taught him how to make more than canned soup and frozen pizza. Maybe then he wouldn’t have felt so helpless some days. Knowing that at least he could do something if they stopped wanting him around. Maybe Miko could teach him if he got better. If she was willing to stand him for long enough.

Raf zoned back in as Bee’s face took up his attention. Miko nowhere to be found, the only sign that she’d been there at all was Ratchet dutifully filling in the troublesome side pieces of her puzzle. “Hey Bee. Welcome back. You see Miko?”

“Miko?” Bee beeped in question.

“Miko!” Bulkhead boomed as he spotted the girl wedged between some equipment. “What did I tell you about hanging around here, huh?” Forgetting who was around to hear him. Bee stood, frame buzzing.

“What did you tell her?” Bulkhead turned on his peds, sheepish now as he looked from Raf to Bee.

“Come on Bee, look at him! He looks like he’s infested with scraplets! What if he’s contagious?”

“Bulkhead!” Ratchet’s voice boomed over Bee’s outraged screech. “He can hear you and do you really think I would just let Miko hang around if he was contagious?” To Bulkhead’s defense, he had switched to Cybex; it was just a shame that he continually forgot Raf understood Cybex.

“Ah, primus!” Bulkhead swore face burning blue with guilt. “Hey, little buddy I’m sorry-”

“Hush Bulkhead before you do any more damage. Miko, will you take Raf on a walk around the compound if you plan to leave soon? I think we need a moment.”

“Sure thing!” Miko rushed back over grabbing the half-peeled apple and Raf’s hand as she helped him to the floor. Nearly carrying him as they escaped the awkward situation. In the calm of the hall, Raf’s stifled sobs echoed loud enough to surround them.

“He’s right though.” He whimpered tearfully. “You probably shouldn’t stay around me.” Miko’s hug was fierce enough to take the wind from him, to lift him from the floor. He forgot how strong she could be when she needed.

Just as fierce was the conviction in her voice. “No. He’s not. I don’t care what he said about you. He’s wrong and he’s going to apologize for it.”

* * *

Bruised in both body and mind Raf’s health only continued to spiral, some days he would hardly move, hardly wake, hardly eat. Thankfully Ratchet was there when Bee couldn’t be but that didn’t help the times when he was and he just couldn’t handle what was happening. It hurt to watch him struggle, to see him hurt and dull. Thankfully Bee wasn’t alone he did have the help of the other bots behind him. Even Bulkhead.

“You think you’re slick little man?” Raf froze in Bulkhead's massive shadow. Hiding his bottle of Nyquil behind his back. "Ratch put a ration on that stuff after you made yourself sick. I'd figure you would have just woken Bee but seeing you didn't I'm pretty sure you're over your ration." Raf wheezed a nervous laugh.

"I... just wanted water. Must have gotten them mixed up. Hard to see without my glasses."

"Sure~" Bulkhead humored him with a grin but it fell quite quickly to concern. "Pretty sure the water is the clear one. I'll get it for ya, let's just get you down before you hurt yourself." Raf conceded, stumbling into Bulkhead's palm.

"S-sure. Thanks, Bulkhead."

"Course' Not like I don't owe ya'." Raf collapsed against the bed as he rolled free, Despising the smell of his own sweat and the bleached plastic of the bedding underneath. He shivered as Bulkhead’s cold servos picked him up by the scruff of his shirt to right him, pressing into the touch of frigid metal as Bulkhead’s digits nuzzled his face in a friendly caress. “I was outta line, knew that even before Miko told me off. Yer’ scaring me kid. So if you need to down bottles of that stuff I won’t tell ol’ Ratchet. Just get yourself better.” Raf pulled his contraband free and let it fall to the side.

“Thanks, Bulkhead. I should drink more water though. Can you grab me one from the fridge?”

“Alright but if I get caught opening this thing I’m blamin’ you.” The massive fuel cooler opened with a hiss of fog; dull blue light highlighting Bulkhead’s metal in an eerie glow. The plastic crinkling loudly even pinched gently between his digits.

Squashed out of shape or not it was still a relief as Raf uncapped the mangled plastic and chugged down half the bottle. Drinking so fast made him dizzy but the cold was a blessing to the blistering fever that had plagued him for weeks.

"Watch yourself. Don’t go choking.”Bulkhead pulled up a chair with a clang and settled next to Raf’s bed. On the other side Bumblebee startled but not enough to wake him, just mumbling a few unintelligible beeps. “Fowler came over. Said your mom called. Brother dropped off your schoolwork. Said you can call her if you want. Told her you were still under observation at the clinic.” Bulkhead relayed the message like he was relaying an order, the words not quite having enough meaning to him. Raf could only nod. He didn’t want to think about his mom or the amount of schoolwork he had piling up. He fell back into his mound of pillows, exhaustion hitting him like a wall.

“Thanks, Bulkhead.” He was rewarded with another gentle ruffling of his hair.

“Are you sure this is the best place for you little man? You feeling any better?” Raf didn’t want to think about that either. How he was only feeling worse as time went on. Tormented by the brief hours where he felt like he was perfectly fine. He didn’t have the words to explain that he was terrified it was all just in his head. Couldn’t handle thinking about what might happen to him if he let anyone know he was going crazy.

“Mrs. Darby says I’m okay. Thinks it’s turned into pneumonia. Said I just need more rest and she got me some better cough medicine. She wants me to go to the clinic just to be sure...but it sucks there.” Bulkhead’s face scrunched in thought. Reason and his spark at odds. As a mech of his caste he’d remembered plenty of snooty doctors making the odd remark and diagnosis and being wrong half the time anyway. Ratchet was a better doc than any, alien mech or no.

“Well, if she thinks you’re fine you should be. She knows what she’s doing.”

“Yeah.” Raf agreed, mind elsewhere as he struggled with his bottle.

“That stuff helps you sleep? That’s what Bee said.” Raf nodded, bearing all his weight down on the infernal cap.

“It’s supposed to. I wish I had something better- but- I can’t get anything like that unless I get checked at the clinic. I don’t want to get Mrs. Darby in trouble.” Raf’s triumph was short-lived as he gasped for air, his lungs burning as his head swam. Only Bulkhead’s servo steadying him kept Raf from fainting. The green of the mech’s metal flashed in his vision before settling to the blurry silhouette of his arm. With what energy he had left Raf filled the cap and downed the medicine. “Hopefully it works.” Bulkhead spared him a pitying look as Raf buried himself in his pillows.

“Well I don’t got medicine...but I can sing you a song. Bee and Arcee usually like it. Especially on rough nights when it’s hard getting out of their heads.” If Raf needed anything, it was to get out of his head for a moment. Just enough to sleep. “Can’t promise it’ll be a fun song, I only know the old workin’ beats but I’ve not gotten any sour words.”

“That sounds nice Bulkhead. I’d love to hear it.” Raf pulled his blanket high over his shoulder as Bulkhead began to tap his foot to a heavy beat.

“Let me sing you a song familiar from Uraya to Tarn, a song from mechs who work where lights never shone-” Bulkhead’s deep voice trilled in a way Raf had never heard it and even at near a whisper it shook his body like a concert speaker, making his heartbeat double time in sync with a frequency he couldn’t detect. Leaving him lightheaded and heavy. Lost to only the story of Bulkhead’s wailing song.

Raf didn’t remember falling asleep, but the feeling of his skin burning spurred him to his feet. Stumbling through the long halls of the compound to the unfamiliar washrooms; nausea rose in his throat, stalling him every other moment. With only the weak hazard lights to guide him, he groped the wall to find a light switch but each turn of his neck or side made his skin feel like it was being shredded, something leaking down his chest and side. Raf felt his chest go tight as his heart started to race, mind fogging with panic.

This was it. He was going to die there, alone and sick in some decrepit bathroom.

With enough movement the old lights flickered on by themselves, the sallow glow not doing him any favors. Raf found a rusty mirror and looked himself over. He looked sick which was more than obvious. Thin and tired for all the sleep he was getting. Something had stained his t-shirt on the side. The fabric was wet with blood and tinged gray in spots, it made his stomach turn. Morbidly curious Raf tugged at the collar of his t-shirt despite the flash of pain that it caused. Along the line of deep bruising that had formed, now the skin was bubbled with black blisters and split raw along patches between. They burst with only a touch, oozing black pus and blood, the smell making him retch but no more than the throbbing pain that echoed through his body sending him straight to the floor.

Raf vomited through his fingers, gasping for air and screaming for help with every spare breath but the lights lasted as long as his will, both going dark and quiet alone and unnoticed.

* * *

Bee had vented a sigh of relief as Optimus came back carrying Raf in his palm but it was a short-lived relief. He’d taken him right to Ratchet and with only a wince from the medic he called for Fowler. June had come within an hour and took him off to the clinic with nothing but a horrified look.

“What was wrong with him Ratchet? Why did you just send him away like that?” Optimus put a heavy servo on Bee’s shoulder.

“Ratchet has done all he can for young Rafael. It is clear that he is beyond our care. This is what’s best for him.”

“He doesn’t like it there! That’s why he was here in the first place!” Ratchet scoffed.

“A sparkling’s concern. Young ones all think the same. I am not a human physician Bumblebee and my duties here were already slipping while I took care of him. As were yours! With the Decepticon activity going on we do not have the time for distractions.”

“Optimus?!” The leader’s face fell to a somber frown.

“All our efforts need to be on mining. Megatron’s exploits have run us very low. Ratchet is not wrong. You must trust that Fowler and his doctors took care of Raf before, they will take care of Rafael again.”

“Except they didn’t! Raf-” Bee held his retort. It wasn’t his place to tell them Raf’s worries. His struggles. “No, you’re right. Megatron’s getting worse.” Optimus’ grip tightened.

“Things will pass. Raf will get the help he needs.”

Bee was sure of that. If Ratchet didn’t want to help he knew a medic who was just depraved enough to with a little coaxing.

That was how he found himself lurking out in some dark unfamiliar woods with nothing but his stingers held tight to his chest. The rain was coming down in sheets, the wind howling through the trees. Above him, lightning flashed just to spite him. As if he didn’t know trying to deal with a Decepticon wasn’t already a bad plan, the weather had to remind him.

A startling of branches had Bee training his blasters on the shadow slowly emerging. Knock Out’s optics glowing even more brightly through the dark; casting a pink glow on his smooth face. “You know I remember telling you to forget my frequency a long time ago, bug.”

Bee took a few steps back. “I need your help.”

“Mmhm. That was in your message. Little more information as for why you’re wasting my time?”

“D-don’t you want to get out of the rain? Let’s go to your ship.” Knock Out straightened, even the extra bit of height he had intimidating in the moment.

“You want to be trapped on my ship? With your precious Autobots not even knowing where you are?” The threat was teasing. A good judge of the mech’s mood.

Bee squared a blaster at Knock Out’s chest. “I can take care of myself. Besides I know you, you haven’t told anyone about this ship of yours since you landed. You aren’t about to now just for some worthless praise.” Knock Out ‘s optics trailed up and down his frame, sizing him up. “Am I wrong?” Knock Out transformed forcing Bee to chase after him.

It was a short drive and a long run, Bee’s engine roaring as he threw himself over rivers and ravines until his peds were rattling with pebbles and twigs. Thankfully Knock Out slowed to a stop at a large mound, disappearing through a crack in the earth. Bee followed with caution, metal scraping rough earth and rock but as he pushed through the gap he was treated to the brilliant glow of an energon mine.

“Are you kidding me?” Knock Out’s laugh rang out in the massive cave, proud and petty.

“My shields keep it off Soundwave’s radar but they wouldn’t bother with it even if they didn’t. It’s too small, at first glance anyway. Let me show you something.” Knock Out grabbed Bee’s servo, he let himself be tugged along to a bricked-up fixture in a room two off of the main one. “Take a wild guess.” Bee didn’t need to, his sensors telling him just what he was looking at.

“A well? An actual energon well?! How’s that even possible?!” Knock Out’s denta gleamed in the blue glow as he tugged the protective lid off.

“It’s the injection site. The first place they tried to propagate. It worked wonders. There were at least ten mines in the area but Megatron does as he does, he ignores the small things. The army could drain it in cycles and it could fuel the nemesis and its crew for at least a millennia but left alone~”

“It keeps propagating.”

“Exactly. Thirsty bug?” Knock Out put on a show of raising the bucket, even the slightest motion causing it to spill over the edge it was so full.

“Really?” Bee questioned, more than suspicious.

“Thermos?” Knock Out held out his servo, flexing his talons impatiently. Bee fumbled in his subspace for his travel pack in absolute disbelief as he handed it over only to get it filled right to the brim. “No reason not to be civil. Especially when we’re dealing. So bug, tell me, have you come looking to defect? You’re lucky I’m in the market for a new partner. “

“Umm...no. Can we talk inside your ship?”

“What’s your obsession with my ship?” Bee fiddled with his digits.

“I don’t know...it’s just nice. W-what happened to Breakdown?” Knock Out turned back sharply, talons under Bee’s armor in a flash.

“If you want this to go well, I’d suggest we keep away from that topic. Understood?” Bee nodded with a wide smile. No reason to mention he’d been the one to bring up that he needed a new partner in crime.

“Got it, got it!” Knock Out shoved him forward.

“Good.” Knock Out stalked ahead, Bee followed him back to the main room of the cave.

Shoved off on the back wall were the downed remains of Knock Out’s ship. The paint was faded and it had rusted in spots from the water that likely leaked in but at first glance, it was perfectly passable. He still wasn’t sure if it was actually out of commission or not. Certainly not with how it looked inside. Every ounce of equipment humming to life as Knock Out flipped on a few switches.

Bee fell into one of the plush couches admiring the murals painted across the ceiling. If he had to give the Con one thing he did have style. Knock Out took a seat at a set in table, the chair much too big for him.

“Tick-tock, bug, Soundwave is always monitoring my moves. He’ll let a little personal time slide but I do still have work that needs doing. Why are we here? If it’s something with Ratchet consider it a hard pass.”

“It’s Raf.” Bee caught the mech rolling his optics in the reflection of his door.

“And what’s wrong with your pet?” Bee winced at the insult but was glad Knock Out was even still entertaining him.

“Do you remember back when Megatron tried to summon Unicron?”

“No, I erase traumatic things from my memory banks. Perk of the profession. Get on with it!”

“Raf’s sick!” Bee finally managed to blurt out. “He’s sick and it’s Megatron’s fault as always! He hit me while Raf was with me and he almost died and Ratchet managed to save him from dying but I guess that wasn’t fucking enough because he’s still sick!”

“You have a medic who’s much more willing to play vet than me.”

“He won’t help though. Sent Raf off to Fowler’s clinic to rot!” Knock Out vented loudly.

“You do remember me saying not five seconds ago that if this was an issue with Ratchet I wasn’t dealing with it?”

“It’s not!” Bee forced himself upright “Please Knock Out~ You can’t tell me you’re not interested! You’re a creep! You love messing around with alien biology.”

“This isn’t biology, it's pathology. They need to take you back to school, bug.” Bee threw himself at Knock Out’s peds, cycling his optics wide enough to make his vision go blurry.

“Please, Cinn? Just one last thing for me?” Sharp, unmoved pinpoints glared down at him.

“You’re disgusting.” Bee’s spark thundered in his chest, he was halfway there. “What did you bring me as payment for risking my neck?”

Bee couldn’t stop his smile. “Oh, you know~ Same old thing.”

* * *

  
Bee snuck back to base more than chuffed with his rendezvous but as the cycles went by he grew more and more doubtful. It killed him to not have any hope to give to Raf, to see him sick and scared and only getting worse. Without a word from Knock Out he just felt stuck in a void. Forced to worry about work and war during the day then haplessly keeping up Raf’s spirits at night.

Finally though, out on a scouting mission he managed to spot a deep cut on the cliffside off the old base. Meaningless at first but at the right angle, it became a Veloitronian letter. Knock Out’s sign. Bumblebee took a hard right and nearly slammed right into the cliffside he was so excited. Nervous digits fumbled along the rock until the tips of his pads stuck into a deep gouge. With a good tug, the chunk of rock flew free exposing the hidden channel. With a deep invent Bee shoved his arm inside and prayed to Primus. He pulled out a heavy box. With a flick of the latch blue fog plumed free. Bee whooped, bouncing on his peds before slamming the box shut and racing off to the hospital.

After hours waiting outside, he’d managed to meet up with June.

“So...Ratchet created this?” June looked at the vial skeptically. Bee could only nod. “Did he say anything else?”

“Oh, you know. Medical stuff,” Bee lied through his denta. “Something about what’s on the tube? her-herpes zooo-zoooster- zoster! Yeah, whatever that is.”

“Okay.” June nodded, still unsure. “Any information on how to administer it?” Bee’s spark flared painfully. Primus, he was such an idiot what was he going to do! He should have been smart enough to call the Con, grill him for everything he needed! If June tried calling Ratchet now he was done for! “Oh, here it is!” Bee froze.

“What?”

“It was just underneath the padding.” June happily waved a thick set of folded papers. “Rather detailed for him. Usually, he only gives us what we need but this may as well be a dissertation.”

“Uh,” Bee laughed nervously “You know how he gets sometimes.”

June hummed in agreement. “Well, let’s hope this helps. For poor Rafael's sake.”


	2. I wanna get better

“I don’t know if this is a good idea, Raf.” 

“It’s probably not.” Bumblebee watched the boy in his rearview mirror. He’d promised him that they could do anything once the clinic had let him go but he hadn’t expected that thing would have been wanting to see Knock Out.

“You know I thought you might want to go racing or stargazing. Something...nice? We don’t owe him anything. He got what he wanted. Well...he took what I gave him at least.” Raf solemnly watched the trees whip past, painkillers making him feel too dull to enjoy the ride.

“I know...I just want to know what’s wrong with me. What if I get sick again? What if it just keeps happening, Bee? I’m...tired.” Bee didn’t have anything to say to that, just as terrified of the reality as Raf. Just the exhaustion in Raf’s plea was killing him, he didn’t know if he could take watching the boy suffer like he had the past three months.

“Just remember who we’re dealing with okay? Knock Out’s an opportunist, not a hero.” 

“I know Bee. I’ll be careful.” It was odd to feel so giddy knowing what he was trying to do. There was a chance Knock Out would laugh him off, there was a higher chance Bee wouldn’t even let his plan get as far as he needed it but Raf’s heart raced faster as a deep red sports car slipped cleanly from an offramp onto the road in front of them. He felt Bee speed up to keep chase. “Do you know where he’s taking us?” 

“Yeah. Don’t worry. We’re safe...for now.” Bee’s almost casual attitude around this was pretty amusing. He’d mentioned knowing Knock Out before but had never talked about it.

“Kind of suspicious of you Bee? Consorting with the enemy?” Bee suppressed a nervous laugh.

“Well, you know, when the enemy is pretty useful...” Bee let the thought trail off. He didn’t want Raf to think he trusted Knock Out. The mech was a graysparked creep even on his good days.

In the privacy of Knock Out’s ship, Bee pulled back his plates and let Raf jump out. Knock Out’s face scrunched, irritation plain on it. “You really are trying to get me killed. You brought me out here for what? To show me it worked? I know my treatment works! I thought you were going to tell me it made him melt from the inside or some other ludicrous side effect!” 

Bee looked between Knock Out and Raf, unsure what to say. “He... wanted to see you. I guess the doctors weren’t very informative. We were hoping you could help.”

Knock Out scoffed. “Are you not grateful just to be well again?”

“Will I get better?” Raf asked sharply, no hint of fear in his voice. “I didn’t the last time...not really.” Knock Out leaned low till Raf could feel the heat of his vents, the present attention of his optics. Raf hoped he couldn’t see how badly he was shaking. How weak he still was. How awful he still felt.

“You look perfectly fine to me. Underweight, but that’s not my problem. Did your medics not do their jobs?”

“T-that’s the problem!” Raf hadn’t meant to shout but he was almost glad, glad to have the Decepticon’s full attention now. “They told me I was fine! Good as new- but-I’m not. I still feel like garbage and it’s all Megatron’s fault! You out of anyone should know what he did to me!” Knock Out leaned back.

“Of course I know. I know what Ratchet did too. Wasn’t really thinking of the long-term ramifications of that one. I’m not surprised you ended up like this. Humans are like disgusting little sponges. You’re filthy and terribly hard to deep clean. Much easier just to toss you in the bin, start with a new one.” Knock Out’s taunt hit just like he wanted but Raf had been ready for it. 

“You like experimenting though. You can experiment on me.” It was terrifying to see Knock Out’s optics blow wide. Like a cat just spotting its next bit of prey. He didn’t have much of a choice but to play the part, he wasn’t going to just suffer forever.

“Raf! What’s wrong with you?!” Bee lunged to grab Raf. Terrified and guilty that he hadn’t noticed just how bad off he was. He knew this had been a bad idea but he hadn’t expected it to go like this! 

Knock Out was faster. He elbowed Bee back in his seat with a shove that knocked the wind and sense from him. Snatching up Raf in one smooth motion that left him dizzy and stumbling in Knock Out’s palm. 

“Our little pet has spoken and I think he’s on to something. With all the work I’ve put in I think I’m owed fifty-fifty custody?” Raf forced himself not to flinch as smooth talons pinched his cheeks, forcing him to look at Bumblebee stunned silent across from him. “He says he’s in pain, bug. Ratchet’s not doing a damn thing about it.”

“Not on your life, Con.” Bee transformed out his stingers. “Put him down.”

“Please Bee...trust me?” Raf knew it was a laughable thought, that a monster like Knock Out would actually put in the thought to make him better again, but even if the mech killed him in a week...maybe that was just as good.

“That sounds like someone invoking their right to doctor-patient confidentiality to me bug~ Why don’t you get a cool drink while we talk?”

Bee’s engine snarled. “You’re insane! Raf, he’s insane! I know you’re in a bad place but he can’t help you!” Raf couldn’t hold back his shuddering sob. Everything going just how he’d expected. He wished Bee could just play along, just be there to protect him like always.

“He already did Bee. That’s why we’re here! That’s why you went to him!”

“Yeah but- If you just talk to Ratchet-”

Raf could feel the tears stinging his eyes as they stained his cheeks. Feel the sharp ache in his chest as he breathed deep. “Ratchet doesn’t have time for me, Bee. He barely has time for you and the others.” There was nothing Bee could say to that.

“It’s their fault!” Bee jabbed his blaster in Knock Out’s direction, the other mech feigning offense.

“So let’s waste his time. You’re still interested? Right, Knock Out?” Raf could feel Bee’s optics on his back but they were nothing to Knock Out’s empty red ones, the reflection of the corpse he’d become staring right back at him in the glossy red.

“You’re not selling this idea to me, kid. I’m already happy to buy.” Raf could hear Bee transforming his servos back.

“If you hurt him-”

“If I kill him I think you mean. Pretty clear to me I couldn’t hurt this poor thing any worse than you already have. We can only go up from here, I’m the medic, remember?” The urge to shoot Knock Out was immense. This was all his fault.

“Raf are you sure about this?” It hurt to hear Bee defeated, but at least they were in this together now. Raf forced a smile. 

“Yeah. Come on Bee, if you’re still willing to ask him for help means he can’t be all bad, right?” Knock Out’s laugh nearly tumbled him.

“Time for you to take that walk now, bug. First consultation shouldn’t take me more than an hour tops. Mind any initial screaming, my poor lab’s a mess and it can be a bit frightening.” 

“If I hear anything from there you’re dead! You hear me Knock Out!” The roar of Bumblebee’s engine shook the shelves as he snarled, the mech tearing from the room so fast the wheels in his peds left marks on the floor. Knock Out’s smile only widened as the door slammed shut.

With a smooth even stride, he took Raf through the expanse of the ship. Passing closed off room after closed off room till they reached a thick metal door. They stood there a moment. “Close your eyes, this might burn.” Raf did as he was told, catching only a brief sight of a pale pink light but as his skin started to tingle, then slightly burn, then return to normal Raf learned what he could only imagine was the first thing he would about Knock Out. The mech wasn’t absent of kindness, it was for some unknown reason he chose to be cruel.

This was only hammered home as he was sat on a table and Knock Out placed one of his long digits under his chin, forcing him to look up against the glare of the blinding light above into the mech’s haunting face. Forcing him to wince. The metal was warm though, humming with the energy from the defibrillator hidden in his palm. The touch gentle and kind despite how easily it could kill him, even on accident. And as the mech purred, “Now, pet, tell the doctor what’s wrong?” Raf oddly felt at peace for the first time in so long.


End file.
